Mom, you won’t believe this… a kid at school didn’t know who Nelson Mandela was…

Me:        Hey baby, I missed you.

Son:       Why? (Looking at me quizzically.)

Me:        I had a productive day and just looked at the clock and knew you were on the way home.

Son:       Oh, ok.  Come give your baby boy a hug.  (I humbly obliged.)

Mom, you won’t believe this… a kid at school didn’t know who Nelson Mandela was…

Me:        Wow.  Well, was the kid white?

Son:       Yeah.  That would really be shame if he was black.

Me:        Was he in your class?

Son:       Yeah. He was the only kid in class that didn’t know about him.  I don’t know why he asked in science, but, uh, he’s really smart.  One of the smartest kids in the class.  That’s why I was so shocked. 

Me:        What did the teacher say?

Son:       That Nelson Mandela was the Martin Luther King of South Africa.

Me:        Good analogy.

Son:       They both fought for peace and equal rights and they both went to jail for it.  But what I don’t get is how white people can just go and take someone’s land.  Black people lived there and white people just came and took it.

Me:        Not only that, but some of those Africans were brought here to slave for the land that the settlers took from the Indians. 

Son:       Wow.

I don’t know why I automatically assumed that the student was white.  I guess because maybe I know that certain history topics were skipped when I went to school, and that a lot of black history I learned was from my family.

The interesting thing to me is that my son and I both spoke with no malice, no content, just the sad true reality, and then he got the leash to walk his dog.

 

Jennifer's Bloggin': Trick or Treat

Jennifer's Bloggin': Trick or Treat: “This honey here was dangerous!” Tito licked his juicy lips as he passed his cell phone to show me the picture of the cute blonde on ...

Trick or Treat

“This honey here was dangerous!”

Tito licked his juicy lips as he passed his cell phone to show me the picture of the cute blonde on her knees massaging her breast.

“She’s Spanish but she looks white.  I loved it when she called me Papi.”

“Nice tat,” I said, wondering how any grown woman could be so uninhabited that she’d send a photo of herself half naked.

“Took me three hours.  The tat took one," Tito said with a grin.  "Net, I agree with you now.  I need to stop taking pussy payments because my car-note is past due,” he continued.

“Hope you’re strappin’ up,” I said, passing him back his phone.

“Hell ya.  These chicken heads still tryin’ to play the same old high school games.  I’m pregnant.  I need money for an abortion.  I told home-girl yesterday, sorry love, but it ain’t mine.  I straps it up befo I nut!”

“HAVE mercy.”

“Right,” Tito replied, shaking his head and flipping to the next pic. 

A knock from the door brought me out of laughter. 

“Anthony!” I shouted from the kitchen to the hallway door.

Anthony grumbled his disappointment as he stomped down the stairs. 

“Trick or treat!” I heard through the rumble of the washer, dryer, dishwasher and Tito’s rap music.

“Hey Anthony, why aren’t you out?”

“I can’t,” Anthony replied with morbid disappointment.

I grabbed a rag to wipe the suds off my hands.  “Excuse me for a minute,” I said to Tito, a friend I’d known since my Bob’s Big Boy days as a waitress. 

Before I could console my son regarding our monetary issues and his great disappointment, Tito stopped me in my tracks with question.

“What’s wrong with that boy?”

Tito was one of the few people in the world that I didn’t have to pretend with, so I said pointedly, “I told him that you have to have money in the bank or a line of credit in order to use the Visa for which I don’t, and that is why he can’t get a Halloween costume this year.” 

Tito put his phone down on the kitchen cabinet and looked me dead in the eyes just as Anthony closed the front door and ran back up the stairs. 

“You serious?” Tito said as if I was talking trash.

“About what?”

“Buying a Halloween costume?”

“I am broke as a joke.”

“And you sound as white as a valley girl, but girl you are black!  You’d better go get an old sheet and cut some holes.”

I laughed aloud because I knew Tito was right.  Not about sounding Caucasian; though, everyone said I did...  Back in the day my mother never bought me or my sister a costume.  She always made it. 

“Anthony!” I hollered. 

He came down the stairs with soft steps. 

His head was held low and through a low grumble, Anthony said, “I’m not going to be no jacked-up ghost.  How would I look with a sheet, walking around trick-a-treating in this neighborhood?  I’d be talked about for being a deprived Caspter or jumped for looking like the KKK.”

“You go boy!” I said, astonishment that Anthony used one of his spelling words in a sentence in conversation.

Deprived.  D  E  P  R  I  V  E  D.  Deprived. 

Tito looked at me and then turned to Anthony.  “You talking like you pay some damn bills up in this camp,” he said.

Ignoring Tito’s comment, Anthony probed me.  “Why do we always have to be poor?” he asked with an expression that broke my heart.

I took a deep breath.  I was embarrassed of Anthony’s question, and mortified that he asked me in front of Tito, even if T was my homey from back in the day, whom I didn’t have to fake the funk with.

“I’m doing the best I can, Anthony.  I’m working with one income.”

“Why can’t you get another job?” my eleven-year-old son asked. 

My first inclination was: I know this little mofo ain’t telling me to get a second job as hard as I already bust my ass!  And then I wondered if his question came from curiosity or degradation.

“Boy, you are lucky that’s your mother because my mom would have stuck her foot straight up your butt for the crap you’re saying now.”

“I guess I am lucky,” Anthony replied.  “Besides, I didn’t say anything; I only asked questions,” he continued.

Tito gave me the please-handle-this-shit look, and I turned to Anthony.

“We can use one of your old twin sheets.  I can cut some holes so you can see.”

Anthony’s disappointment made my eyes fill with tears. 

“Boy, go get on your football uniform and stop acting like a spoiled little brat!” Tito barked.

Anthony replied bitterly, “That’s just a complete announcement that we are POOR!”

Something snapped inside of me.  In a flash of a second, my emotions flipped.

“Well, you are poor!  We are poor.  You don’t have a Halloween costume but you got every God damn thing else.  I am doing the very best I can, so either get in the freaking football uniform or shut the hell up.  I don’t want to hear another word about it.  I don’t even want to hear you sulk.  Be quiet and go to your room!”

Anthony walked up the stairs, and I sat at the barstool next to Tito in the kitchen.

“You got a little sista in you after all,” he said smugly.

It didn’t take Anthony five minutes to put that uniform on, and he ran down the stairs as several knocks hammered the door. 

“Trick or Treat!”

“Hey, Anthony, I’m a football player too.  You going out?”

“Yeah, hold on.”

I could feel the stress leaving my body.

“Mommy, I’m going with Brian.  See you later.”

“Later gator,” I replied.

The Sex Talk - Father And Son

I know that periodically, my son's father gives our son forewarnings about life... to get him prepared to be a man.  This is a quick "sex talk" conversation I overheard.

Father: These girls out there… they’ll tell you they’re on the pill.  They’ll tell you they’ve got some device.  They’ll say any old thing, but don’t listen to them, son.  Always have a condom or you’ll end up having a baby at nineteen. 

I’m thinking to myself.  The boy is thirteen.  And then I started thinking.  Oh, damn, was dry-humping at fourteen or fifteen.  :-)  (Funny but, ah, not so damn funny) :-) And I pay attention.

Son: Dad, you won’t have to worry.  I’ll think about you.

Dad: Why are you going to be thinking about me? I didn’t have a baby at nineteen.

Son: I’ll be thinking about you whooping my butt.  :-)

I’m thinking, well, keep that thought.  :-) 

Just A Short Funny Before My Evening

My ex-man tore out my heart with his big African lips.  :-)  I’m not saying that to be nasty nasty.  I’m saying that to be nasty nice.  I’m going to miss those lips.  :-) 

But I don’t have to deal with his tongue.  HAVE mercy!  :-)

So, my boss asked me where I met him.

“Safeway.”

“Safeway?”

“Yep, in the checkout line.”

He said, “Well, try Giant’s next time in the meat department.”

LOL!  :-)

 

Jennifer's Bloggin': Money Well Spent - Dealing With My Baby-Daddy

Jennifer's Bloggin': Money Well Spent - Dealing With My Baby-Daddy: Oh, I was heated.   Ticked off.   Pissed.   Ready to cuss my baby-daddy out! But then I realized; I just bought myself a piece of happiness....

Jennifer's Bloggin': Puzzy Azz B!tch

Jennifer's Bloggin': Puzzy Azz B!tch: There once was a loser who I thought was a friend But 25 years came to a bitter end I called him out with words of truth And his call...

Jennifer's Bloggin': Sticks and Stones

Jennifer's Bloggin': Sticks and Stones: Dear Marco,   I only know one side of the story, but I do want to offer my apologies for the words that Levon used yesterday.   He sa...

Jennifer's Bloggin': Embarrassing Stories Are Often Funny As Hell

Jennifer's Bloggin': Embarrassing Stories Are Often Funny As Hell: By Jennifer Lightburn Writing is therapeutic.   I like that I can retrieve and print the thoughts that were wresting around in my mind… th...

Workplace Bullying - It Happened to Me - Don't Let...

Jennifer's Bloggin': Workplace Bullying - It Happened to Me - Don't Let...: I am privileged to work for a Government Contractor (“GC”) with a zero tolerance regarding Work Place Bullying, but that was not always the ...

Workplace Bullying - It Happened to Me - Don't Let It Happen to You

I am privileged to work for a Government Contractor (“GC”) with a zero tolerance regarding Work Place Bullying, but that was not always the case.

I was in fact a victim to this indentured servant fad when I worked for another GC that supported a large government agency who required a television crew for their studio headquartered in Washington, DC.

This agency can fly people to the moon but did not want a black woman Supervising Producer working in their studio!

The point of contact, government employee, Mr. Brown told our Program Manager not to hire black women, and he so arrogantly defied the federal law, that he walked into an interview with one of the candidates (at the government site) and immediately retreated without so much as a hello.

The candidate, of course, called me immediately to ask if Mr. Brown had an issue with women, and because he is also African American, she did not consider the possibility that his issue was also her skin color.

The Human Resource Manager (now HR Director) and I advised the President of the company about the flagrant discrimination that our PM shared with us in a proposal meeting.  The President told me (in private), however, that there was a misunderstanding; even though, the entire proposal team heard the remarkable fiasco.

I began to feel the consequence of trying to protect the company from any lawsuit caused by the government.

During this same timeframe, that same GC underwent an investigation with the Department of Labor (“DOL”). 

Management’s answer was to “get rid of the problem” per the HR Manager, so she began an “investigation” where she was both harassing and belligerent to the employees questioned. 

The problem was not the people they wanted to terminate, but management itself, so I told both employees what to do – write what happened and get email backup.  The one who listened kept his job – until they got rid of me.  The other, they fired immediately. 

Soon after, the IT Manager was on the chopping block.  This I knew because I was tasked with finding his replacement.  He came to me for help. 

I did not confirm nor deny my colleague’s questions, but I did tell him to speak with the President because I witnessed the HR Manager's disgraceful interrogation in there “fact finding” meeting that the employee scheduled to submit a harassment / discrimination claim.

That’s when management decided to turn up the workplace bullying!

The HR Manager began to yell at me in meetings for no good reason, and she did this to no one else.  She began to mark my time in and out and threatened to write me up, even though, I was not the one who was always late in the department.

Employees became replete with anxiety and continued to ask for my advice, but now I was afraid to give it.  I’d already complained enough:

1.       The IT Director only wanted Indians in his department – no Asians and no Muslims

2.       The Engineering Director didn’t want to hire a black candidate who was qualified because “We couldn’t put someone with dreadlocks in front of the client.”

3.       The CTE didn’t want to hire a fully qualified black candidate with a CCNP because “we have to think about him being in front of the client,” and he didn’t want to hire a Spanish candidate with a CCIO – highest CISCO certification because “he had an accent.”

When I brought up these injustices, which caused me enormous stress and induced depression, the bullying only got worse, and a co-worker advised me to lay low because I was now on the chopping block. 

The President started calling impromptu meetings and expressed his irritation that I had not filled positions, for which I later learned, where not even approved or funded.  It didn’t matter that I found qualified candidates within a substantially low salary range, and that his management staff was the cause for the delay in hiring due to their own prejudices. 

The President even bashed me for not doing someone else’s job – requesting a contract modification of the Aerospace contract.

That’s when I got a harebrained idea to write a review and post it to Glassdoor.  Lesson learned!  This would later be used against me in a mediation session with the Human Rights Commission (“HRC”).

The day had finally come when I knew enough was enough. 

I called out sick the day after my boss showed her ranging-maniac side.  That day she sent an email to tell me if I was sick then I “didn’t need to be working from home,” and that she wanted to talk to me about taking off the next day every time we had a disagreement. 

I’m a grown woman and to have another grown woman yelling at me like she lost her mind was too much!  But that’s not why I took off.  I was sick and entitled to take sick leave, which is what I emailed her, adding that I thought it was ridiculous for her to harass me about taking a day off.

Well, I ended up taking a week off, as I was sick as a dog, and when I came back to work, my boss said that she wanted to meet with me. 

She was irate regarding the email I sent her and even more displeased that I “almost hired a Greencard” when she specifically told me not to.

Telling my boss that I never interviewed the candidate, but I asked for a background check because the candidate told me some personal information, and I didn’t want to illegally disqualify him, was probably not the smartest thing I’ve done.

Telling her that the President of the company and the IT Director assured me that the Web Developer would be working on house projects and would not need a clearance, so I could hire someone with a Greencard, wasn’t bright either.

But telling her that she knew it was against the law to discriminate on the grounds of national origin was far worse.

After five years of receiving exceptional performance raises, bonuses and great evaluations, I got my walking papers. 

A few weeks later, I received a phone call from the Fairfax County Police Department about the return of the GC’s computer, even after, I’d repeatedly asked the HR Manager (via email) for the company to ship a prepaid box.

I told the officer what happened and that I emailed requests to the HR Manager for a box.  Needless to say, I received a pre-paid box.  Even after I left, they harassed me!

I filed a complaint with every agency I could think of. 

HRC had the case the longest, almost an entire year, and the investigator Ms. Betz said today, “We’re backlogged and won’t get to the case until sometime next year.”

I filed a complaint with the Aerospace agency, and was told by the EEOC attorney, Ms. Danette Mincey that “It is not our practice nor is it appropriate for us to provide a status on the progress of an investigation.”

How on earth can there be justice if there’s not enough staff to research the claims!

Needless to say, the GC (still) won the re-compete,  and the government employee is still at the agency.

A few weeks after I left, the GC got rid of many of the people that I was protecting when I was there.  Together we filed a complaint with the Department of Labor, but I have not heard a single peep from them.

I went to an attorney who said I had a case – Wrongful Termination and Retaliation.  I’d begun to do the legwork and research but fell into a greater depression from all the awful memories and blatant injustice the GC caused me, so I had to simply walk away.

A year later, I’m finally getting back on my feet emotionally, and it’s my hope that in another year, I’ll be finally stable and will be vindicated with justice.  But, I expect nothing of course. 

I read an article about Workplace Bullying and the memories came flooding back.  Though, I’m afraid of what this story will do to my career, this is the way that I am freeing myself from an ugly nightmare.

Learn from my mistakes and don’t let workplace bullying happen to you.

In conclusion, I want to express my sincere apologies to: Mahdy, Carlton, Geroge and Faisal.  I apologize for the retaliation you experienced because of me.

Please feel free to comment or post your story regarding Workplace Bullying.  Please also freely post suggestions on how to deter workplace bullying.

http://www.pressofatlanticcity.com/online_features/health_and_wellness/overcoming-workplace-bullying/article_1928b59d-2cae-556f-9c2c-7130ffe4ccb5.html

 

 

Warning and Advice for New Homebuyers Moving Into A Newly Developed Community!

Don’t feel like your dream home has turned into a nightmare.  Follow some simple advice to avoid senseless irritation.

1.       Make sure you find out the deadline of turning in your punch list, and turn it in before the deadline and copy your HOA.  (You want your HOA to know that there are issues that need to be resolved so the developer feels obligated to address those issues and fix them before the developer convinces the HOA to accept the community.)

2.       Look at your plat (small plan of your lot), and verify that all trees are planted AND are still alive.  Everyone is trying to save a buck or two, so don’t get surprised to learn that your Virginia Pine is dead as a doorknob.  Also, if there are a lot of dead trees in your neighborhood, the developer is REQUIRED to replace them (if the HOA has not accepted the community).

 

3.      Find the contact information for the county and Department of Transportation inspectors as well as the bond department.  Land Developers get bonded by the state and county to make improvements to the land per approved plans.  Having this information is helpful because sometimes Land Developers will treat you like a dog unless you’re barking up the right tree.

 

4.      If your street has not been accepted by the Department of Transportation, make sure your HOA has contracted a snow removal company.  If not, you may find yourself shoveling your street! 

5.      Before you spend money on outside improvements (i.e. concrete driveway or monumental mail-box), make sure those improvements are approved by the county AND Department of Transportation.  If the roads have not been accepted, and your improvement is not approved by the GOV, the developer could remove your costly improvement; and they wouldn’t be obligated to reimbursement you, but many developers will if they desperately need to get off of bond.  

6.      If you have water puddles in your yard, you may have a grading issue.  Request that the developer fix the issue in writing and send a copy to your HOA, the county and the Department of Transportation.

7.      If your HOA has a pond, request that the HOA have the builder install an irrigation system so that still water will not attract pesky mosquitoes and a film of green algae.  

 

8.     Call the county to find out when the developer’s bond expires, so you can use this as leverage to get your punch list resolved expediently.  

 

9.      If your community remains on bond for a year after construction, there’s a reason, so use this to your advantage to possibly negotiate freebees.  If enough people complain to the government, a developer may not be able to renew their bond, and they would rather pay a couple thousand dollars in improvements than to lose millions in a defaulted surety.

10.   Enjoy your new home!

 

 

Jennifer's Bloggin': USA - A Blessing And A Curse

Jennifer's Bloggin': USA - A Blessing And A Course: I am biased because I haven’t been to many countries, but just from reading and what I’ve learned, I know I live in the greatest country on...

USA - A Blessing And A Curse

I am biased because I haven’t been to many countries, but just from reading and what I’ve learned, I know I live in the greatest country on this earth, even though it’s both blessed and cursed. 

As President Obama said, “It’s (the United States) not a perfect union,” but we are blessed to have freedoms that many countries dream about.

Still, this dynamic nation has issues that dig deep into the fabric of its creation. 

We are a country born of racism and violence.  Without recapping history, we learned in grade school that the early settlers claimed this land, killed Indians and enslaved Africans. 

We’ve come a long way in 300 – 400 years.

Having an African American President says a lot about how far we’ve come and how minds are changing. 

I understand that change takes time, but when it’s your race or your group being targeted, sometimes change can’t come soon enough.

With the evolution of equality moving at a snail’s pace, I’m glad that I was born when I was.

“I know that I couldn’t live in the 50’s and 60’s,” I told my son, as we were watching the Jackie Robinson movie.  “I would have been hung or lynched because there’s no way that I could maintain my decorum being treated like that.”

“You don’t know what you would have done,” my thirteen-year-old replied, “because your mindset would have been different.  You’re free.  Black people back then were free but they weren’t free.”

‘Back then’ is my mother’s generation. 

She grew up in a time where there were white-only bathrooms, when black people sat in the back of the bus, when there were segregated schools and hand-me-down books from white schools.  She lived in a time period where it was normal to hear a white person call a black person colored or a nigger.

My father was a second generation American.  He was a civil rights leader and campaigned for the recognition of Martin Luther King’s birthday.  He demanded civil rights for all people, and he even preached at a church on occasion. 

I grew up in a racially-mixed neighborhood.  My brother and I were the only black kids on the block.  My friends from back in the day were white, black, Spanish, Asian… the list goes on, and they’re still my friends today.

I didn’t experience racism until I was an adult, and I’m seeing racism more so now because people feel they have the right to say and do whatever they want. 

“Americans have too much freedom, and they are very cruel,” I’ve heard immigrants and Naturalized American citizens say.     

I don’t agree that we have too much freedom, but I do believe that cruel behavior stems from greed, hatred, jealousy, ignorance and poverty. 

And I do believe that there are some people that abuse and hide behind the law. 

There are people who do feel there are justifiable reasons to act in a rebellious manner.

Yes, “there’s a reason to kick an old man down a flight of steps, but you just don’t do it!” comedian, Chris Rock said so eloquently.

I know how hard it is to walk away when someone attacks the core of your being, whatever that might be, but sometimes walking away and thinking about the situation will give you a different perspective.

Maybe we all need to take an anger management class.  J

With so many different races and religions and practices and beliefs, it will not be easy to act as one people, and it takes time and patience to understand and/or accept each other’s differences.

We are not a nation of one race and one religion and one culture. 

We are a nation of everyone, and no one is going anywhere, so it’s best to work together and find solutions to create peace and not instill unjust practices that will further ignite hostility and chaos. 

America is both blessed and cursed to have such diversity.   That’s what makes us such a phenomenal country. 

If we all try just a little bit more, someday we’ll start behaving like a United Nation. 

Jennifer's Bloggin': KKK, the Neighborhood Watch, and Stand Your Ground...

Jennifer's Bloggin': KKK, the Neighborhood Watch, and Stand Your Ground...: Do you think it’s a coincidence that the KKK is creating a neighborhood watch program just weeks after George Zimmerman was acquitted of mu...

The KKK Promotes Neighborhood Watch - Stand Your Ground!

Do you think it’s a coincidence that the KKK is creating a neighborhood watch program just weeks after George Zimmerman was acquitted of murdering Treyvon Martin? 

KKK And Neighborhood Watch Video  This video is a wakeup call and it makes me nervous.  

We already know what can happen when someone in the neighborhood watch takes matters into their own hands.  Take for instance, the Zimmerman case.  The dispatcher said, "We don't need you to do that." Zimmerman responded, "Okay."^[78] Zimmerman asked that police call him upon their arrival so he could provide his location.^[13] Zimmerman ended the call at 7:15 p.m.^[13]

It is a reasonable theory that if Zimmerman would have listened to the police, Zimmerman would not have killed Martin.

How many (more) people will be killed recklessly and without regard, all in the name of self-defense, before laws are changed? 

I’m not saying get rid of Stand Your Ground; I’m saying modify them.  We live in an age of delusion and outdated laws, and it’s hurting our society.  In the Zimmerman case, delusion and outdated laws were compounded with bad defense.

How in the world did the prosecutor think they would get a fare shake with an all white jury,all female jury?!  I have nothing against white people.  My ex-husband is white and I have many white friends, but COME ON!  Many white people have reservations towards black people because of history and currentday craziness.  I can understand that.  I could understand why a white female may be quicker to pull the trigger had her nosy ass been in that same situation, but that don't make it right! 

Had a person of color or a man been on the jury, maybe that person could have shed some light with experience, stories and for instances that the all white female jury could understand.  Bottom line -  fear shouldn’t cost an unarmed person their life when that shooter shouldn't have been there in the first place!

Call your governor and let them know that they need to update these laws now before all hell breaks loose.  People are entitled to defend themselves.  However, add stipulations, such as, “If you are safe and law enforcement says, ‘Stand Down’ and you instead accost, you are thereby forfeiting your rights under Stand Your Ground.”

If KKK's organized neighborhood watch catches on, more innocent people are going to be victims of murder in the name of fear and / or hate.

It’s just my opinion and everyone is entitled to one.  Thank you very much! J

Let's go camping - Joke with language

“You know what, let’s go camping.   Do you like to camp?” I asked.

(An unusually long silence.)

“Oh, you’re an uppity Negro,” I said, hoping to one day be an uppity Negro.  

“Uh, no, I just like showers and air-conditioning,” he replied.

“Well, why did you go?”

“I didn’t have a choice.”

“Why didn’t you have a choice?”

“Because I was an ex-change student, and they were taking me on retreat.  They had everything… huge house, cars, lots of space, but for a couple of days they lived like they didn’t have shit.  What kind of holiday is that?  It was nasty and didn’t teach me shit.  If I had known, I would have declined. We were living like Pilgrims, pulling up water from a well.  The mother fuckers took me from the shower to the bucket.  Don’t get me wrong.  I didn’t show any weakness.  I fit in.  I don’t know.   I guess it’s a reality check or some kind of spiritual experience. Uh, camping’s not bad. Maybe I just had a bad experience.”

LOL! J