How do you stop the pain that shatter’s your life after being the victim of domestic abuse?

I had to do some grass roots networking and so I went to the mall and started shaking hands and passing out business cards, telling anyone who would listen about my book.  I told a young and quite beautiful woman that my book was about a woman getting her life together after being the victim of domestic abuse.  She said to me, “Thanks for writing a book about us for us.”  She was also a victim of abuse and said she knew a lot of women who would appreciate the story.    

Being a victim of domestic abuse is painful, and the pain comes at you in the most inopportune times.  Something triggers a memory and you have a flashback of that moment when you were at your most vulnerable, and you can’t shake the dread.  It consumes you like the flu does to your immune system.  You find yourself shivering profusely, getting feverish and all worked up.  You even think about inflicting the same kind of pain that was inflicted on you.  At that very moment you believe it would alleviate the frustration… that is until you’re sitting in a cage with your hands chained behind your back.  No, sister-girl, some things are not worth going to jail over. 

So, how do you get rid of the pain?  I’m not a therapist.  I can only speak from experience.  The long and short answer is: time.  If you’re a praying person, that helps too.  Try to get involved in activities to keep your focus off your ex.  Self-improvement is always the best bet (i.e. taking classes, exercising, eating right). 

It’s so easy to just give into the pain.  You might even start telling yourself things that you don’t need to hear.  I’m fat.  I’m ugly.  I’m dumb.  I’m uneducated.  I deserved it.  If I would have…  It doesn’t matter if you are the most beautiful girl in the world.  A zim zam fool is going to be a zim zam fool. 

Focus on you.  And every time you start that negative self-talk, say twice as many good things about yourself to combat it.  Yes, I may be overweight, but I don’t always have to be.  I can lose the weight.  I am beautiful.  I am smart. 

Some people have to jump right back into another relationship in order to feel good.  Give yourself some time to heal or your new partner will feel the pain that your old partner left behind.  Now, I’m not advocating sleeping around, it's best just to take a step back in that department.  But getting your grove on is not the same as jumping into another relationship, so if you need to feel someone’s body against yours, do your thing, sister-girl, but be careful.  You don’t want to lay down with a dog and wake up with fleas!! 

The best thing that you can do to get over the pain is to eliminate it.  That means, letting calls go to voice mail.  Returning calls via voice mail and email.  You don’t need to meet up for lunch to discuss anything.  You need to just walk away.  (If you have kids, they don't need to hear the craziness).  You can communicate without having to do it in real time.  Unless it’s an emergency, a minute or two or three isn’t going to make a difference.  Luckily we live in the computer age with a multitude of technology at our fingertips.  Your ex may not appreciate the fact that you don’t jump when he/she says so, so be careful and don’t get cocky.  But it’s certainly ok to find joy in the fact that it irritates your ex that you’re not feeding into his/her nonsense.  Be the better person and don’t argue, fuss or fight.  And in time… weeks, months, years, you’ll feel better, and the pain  won't be so easily recalled.

** Jennifer Lightburn is the author of Seasons Change ** Available at Amazon.com.  http://www.jenniferlightburn.com/

How to Create a Video Trailer Using Pictures/Graphics and Microsoft Movie Maker by Jennifer Lightburn

I've received many emails and posts about my video trailer.  Many have asked who actually created my video trailer.  I did it myself.  I was actually going to pay someone to create a video trailer for me, but being financially-challenged and coming across a website in which elementary school students created their very own video trailer as a "book report," I said to myself, "how hard can it be?"

It really wasn't that hard.  It was mostly time consuming. 

The first step is to think of your book in terms of a movie, as if you're creating a movie trailer.  What images come to your mind?  You need to know this because you're going to essentially create a storyboard.  Jot down the images that come to mind, the characters, the message.  The message is critical, especially if you're using graphics / pictures because it's the message (the text you write) that helps tell the story. 

Next you have to decide if you're going to video tape scenes with your camcorder or if you'll use text and graphics to illustrate the scenes.  Because I was on a serious budget, I decided to use text and graphics. 

There are websites that allow you to download royalty free video, texts and graphics.  You still have to pay (a nominal fee) for the download, but you're allowed to use them in your "advertisement" without paying a royalty; still make sure you read the stipulations of each website. 

Finding the right graphics and music can take hours.  It literally took me four hours to find the right music for my video trailer.  I wanted something upbeat, with a rock and blues flare, and I wanted it to be no more than a minute.  Most people won't spend a bunch of time viewing a long, drawn-out video.  In this day and age, you need to get to the point and at the same time keep the interest. 

Characters.  You know who they are and what they look like.  Still, finding the right photo/graphic is not easy.  Make a list of the characters that you want in your video trailer.  Make sure that when you're surfing the net, you write down the identification number of the graphic as well as the website in which you saw it.  (Do the same with your music because finding it later will make you pull your hair out.  Take it from me J)

Now, there are all kinds of video production software out there.  If you're fortunate to have Avid or Final Cut Pro, more power to you.  On my nickle and dime budget, I chose Microsoft's Movie Maker because it was already on my computer.  (If you don't have it, you can download a free copy at http://www.microsoft.com/windowsxp/downloads/updates/moviemaker2.mspx). 

If you haven't already: save your graphics and music in the same folder.  It just makes things easier. 

When you open Media Player, there are three sections on top: Movie Tasks, Collections, and the video player.  Below that you'll find the storyboard. 

On the left side of the screen (Under Movie Tasks) choose, Import Audio or Music.  Find the folder in which the music is located and double click on it.  It will be placed in your collection.

Next, on the left side of the screen (Under Movie Tasks), choose import picture (or video).  You can push the <CTRL> key and click on each picture (or video) to select multiple and then click on import.  All of your pictures / videos will be imported into your collection.  (You should be able to see your collection, but if you can't, just click on COLLECTION on the menu bar.)

Now, click on Show Timeline (directly above the Storyboard) on the lower half of your screen so you see Video, Transition, Audio, Title Overlay and Audio / Music on the left side of the screen. 

Drag the Audio file from the collection to the Audio / Music section of the story timeline. 

Drag the pictures in order (of your storyboard) to the video section. 

Save your file.

Next, you're going to edit your movie by adding pages that will allow you to enter text (for story-telling purposes).  Click on "make titles or credits".

You have the chose to enter a page on, before or after your graphic.  For example, to enter a text page after your graphic, click on "Add title after the selected clip in your timeline."  Type in the text.  Under more options, you can choose the color and font, as well as the title animation (animation - how your text scrolls onto the page) by highlighting the text and clicking either option (Change the title animation or Change the text font and color).  After you've finished formatting the text, click "Done, add title to movie."  Do this same process throughout your storyline. 

Save your file.

Now, that you've added all of your text pages, click on "Show storyboard".  You see that there are small boxes between each scene (large box).  This is where you're going to add your video transitions (how each scene scrolls onto your page).  Under "Edit Movie" (on the movie task pane), click on "Video Transitions".  Double-click the transition so you know what it does and then drag and drop the ones you want to use into the small box between each scene. 

Save your file.

Click on Show Timeline.

Now, here's the hard part... getting the music, text and graphics to flow together.  This could literally take a couple hours.  First you'll need to click on the clip and then drag the red arrow to the left to trim the timing of the clip.  Do this to every clip until your audio and video are the same length in the timeline, as you don't want your audio to end earlier than your clips.  (You can adjust the timing of the clips later).

Save your file.

Now, push play (on the media player) to see your video.  Listen to the music and determine when you want your clip to transition to the next clip.  You're just going to have to play with the clips but increasing and decreasing each one (clicking on the clip and moving the red arrow). 

If after you've adjusted the story timeline, and you still need the slightest modification of time, click on “Show Storyboard”, you'll notice a small box to the left of every clip.  Right click that box.  Choose Video Effects.  These effects can help adjust the timing of the clips (i.e. slow down / half, smudge stick, speed up / double).  Drag the transition into the small box to the left of the clip.  Again, this process could take a couple hours.  You might have to walk away for a minute.  J

Save your file.

When you're done, click on save to my computer and enter the file name and location. 

You will be so pleased because you made your video trailer yourself.  I certainly was proud when I finished my video trailer.  Please take a look at it at http://www.jenniferlightburn.com.

I hope this was of some help!!

Sincerely,

~ Jennifer

Seasons Change Now Available!

I'm proud to say that my debut novel, Seasons Change, is now availabe at
https://www.createspace.com/3465896  and will be available on https://www.amazon.com/ on April 15, 2011.  For more information about Seasons Change, please visit my website at https://www.jenniferlightburn.com/ or send me an email at jennifer@jenniferlightburn.com. 

I'm so thrilled and happy.  This has been a dream come true for me. 

I humbly ask for your support, and I'd really like to know what you think.  Thank you so much.

Yours truly,

~ Jennifer

A Few Weeks Ago...

A few weeks ago, I wrote a page long dissertation about the fear of haters hating, but I humbly stand corrected because the bottom line is, I have to develop a thicker skin.  Taste in “literature” is as diverse as the cultures on earth, and everyone has an opinion be it critical or praise. 

And also, a few weeks ago, I got the two thumbs up on my proof with corrections, so I approved what I hope are the final of the final edits and am again awaiting my proof.  The anticipation is nerve-racking yet glorious.  I’m enjoying every moment.  I just published my website: www.jenniferlightburn.com.  Next, I’m going to get business cards made, and I may even get the nerve to actually pass them out!!!  I was thinking about getting a t-shirt made with my book cover on the front and my website on the back.  Maybe even a bumper sticker!  It may be tacky, but I might as well promote as much as my modest budget can afford. 

Know what I mean.

Just feeling like writing something personal – March 30, 2011

My son is pretty smart, but he’s always bringing notes home from school for talking.  So he gets another note from his teacher.  She wrote that my son was being the class clown.  So I scolded him this morning when I signed the note that he had to return to school.  I told him that he’d better keep his mouth shut or else.  (I didn’t say what the “or else” would be, but I had that you're-going-to-get-it attitude in my voice.) 

Then my ten-year-old says to me all serious, “Now mommy, you know that isn’t right.”

I said, “What?”

“You’re telling me to do something that you know is impossible.  You know I can’t keep my mouth shut because I like to talk,” he said, looking at me like I was stupid.

It took everything in me not to bust out laughing, and I replied to him just as serious, “Just do it.”

So, he calls me from his cell phone on his way home from school and says, “I got some good news and bad news.”

I said, “What’s up?”

“I got an A on my history test; I got twenty stars today, but I got a note for talking.”

I shook my head, but I had to consider the A, and I know that twenty stars is considered excellent effort… raising hands and participating.  What could I say but, “Good job man, but tomorrow try not to talk.”

He said he was sorry for talking and he’d do his best. 

What more could I ask for?

But he still had to take his shower at eight instead of nine, so he missed American Idol… the “or else” for talking.  J

I got my proof from Create Space

I give credit when credit is due. Create Space did a fabulous job! I gave my proof to one of good friends to read, and so far so good. Two hundred pages read and one hundred to go, so I'm hoping that she'll give me two thumbs up tomorrow.

So now that the book is written, what's next? I made a book trailer. I'm finishing up on my website. I need to read up on marketing because I don't have a clue. I honestly believe my book, if put in proper hands, will do very well. It's timely. It's the L Word meets Waiting to Exhale. What happens when you're the victim of domestic dispute and you leave your man and move in with your best friend who happens to be a lesbian? The answer... all hell breaks lose, and the drama unfolds.

I really enjoyed writing my book and I love my characters. There's Annette, the black, broke as hell mother of a six-year-old, trying to make it. There's Monica, her bad-ass best friend, who's white and a lesbian. There's Gabriella, Monica's Spanish ex-girlfriend, who's a lawyer and ends up befriending Annette. Annette's father is a racist, homophobe who says what he means and means what he says. Montel is Annette's ex-boyfriend, who'd rather put Annette through hell than to have her leave him. Anthony is Annette's son, the glue that keeps her together. And then there are the girls: Rosa, Lisa and Angie. The story is tight and the characters are down to earth.

So, again, the trick will be marketing... the topic is timely but taboo. It's not Brokeback Mountain (though, Brokeback Mountain did very well); still, there's a "lesbian theme". Speaking of, as I was on Linkedin, I had a conversation about really going for it... writing topics that people may not feel comfortable writing... taboo topics. I was telling a writer to just go for it. He said, "Wouldn't you be afraid of losing your job or your friends?" or something like that. My response was something like, you can't be afraid to write what's in your heart or you're robbing yourself... you only live once and you could always use a pen. I suppose I was trying to pep myself up. I truly care about what people think, and there are going to be some haters hating. But what do I do? Shy away and put my pretty little book on the shelf? No. I can see this novel selling well around the world. Got to have a dream right? Might as well dream big.

All this to say, I need some help. I'm not shy. Well, I'm am, but you don't know that. :-) Seriously. Any help, would be so much appreciated.

~ Jennifer

Book Trailer

Let the count down begin.  I finally approved the final version!!  I truly could have edited my book forever, but I guess there comes a time when you have to set your baby free.  So, I started working on the book trailer, and my next project is creating a webpage.  There's so much work to do, but I'm loving every minute of it.  I had such a blast trying to find the right music for my trailer.  I went to several royalty free production sites.  I picked music that was a little edgy, with a hint of rock and soul because that's how I roll.  :-)  It took hours finding pictures of the main characters and even longer trying to figure out how to use Movie Maker.  I'm a pro now, but I hear Movie Maker is the easiest editing software out there.  Well, below is the link to my book trailer. 

Please tell me what you think.  Thanks so much!!

http://www.mydeo.com/videorequest.asp?XID=4851&CID=318738