Jennifer's Bloggin'

Monday, December 31, 2012

ESL word causes a motha sucka moment

I had a friend over for dinner. He told me about this nice lady he met at Bukoms in DC. “She was beautiful - had a nice body just like yours… chubby,” he said. Now, I assumed because English is not his first language or even his second, he simply chose the wrong adjective. I'm sure he was looking for "phat", but because I wouldn't know if he was using "ph" or "f", he was still SOL. Girlfriend may have some meat in all the right places, but I am not chubby. Therefore, I amiably corrected his enormous mistake by giving him some other choise words to use: thick, healthy, voluminous, sexually stimulating. (smile) But let me tell you, dear friends, had he called another woman chubby, that would definitely be a motha sucka moment. LOL! ;o)

Jennifer's Bloggin': African / American Women

Jennifer's Bloggin': African / American Women: My friend told me that a good African woman is a woman that cooks and cleans for her man. He said that men don’t cook and clean in Senega...

African / American Women

My friend told me that a good African woman is a woman that cooks and cleans for her man. He said that men don’t cook and clean in Senegal, and I should be diligent with cooking and cleaning because I have a good man. (Yes, you read that right). Ok – let’s step back for a moment. First of all, in Senegal, Africa, most housewives have maids. Ain’t that a bitch! Housewives got maids! Toss out some mula for a Merry Maid, and I’ll quickly shut the hell up, but until then… motha sucka… realize we ain’t in AFRICA, and I am ALL AMERCAN! I can bring home the turkey bacon and fry it up in a pan, but I'll be damn if I'm doing the dishes too. LMAO!

Monday, December 17, 2012

School Fight

Son: Mommy, can I get your opinion on something about something that happened in school?

Me: What's up?

Son: So, this guy comes up to this guy and says, "This is my chair. You need to get up." And the other guy says, "I don't see your name on this chair, and there are no assigned seats in this class." So, the other guy pushes the guy out of the seat. So, the guy who fell down gets up and pushes the guy who pushed the guy and the teacher sees.

Me: So, which guy were you?

Son (Eyes wide opened): How did you know?

Me: How many times have I told you to get the teacher? Now, you're going to pay the price for fighting.

Son: I was sitting there minding my own business, but now I have lunch detention.

Me: And I hope you learned your lesson.

Lord have mercy! It ain't easy!

Jennifer's Bloggin': Bill Collectors

Jennifer's Bloggin': Bill Collectors: I’m an advocate of paying the debt I created but sometimes (unforeseen) circumstances causes financial setbacks. In thos...

Bill Collectors

I’m an advocate of paying the debt I created but sometimes (unforeseen) circumstances causes financial setbacks. In those times, it is imperative that one addresses bill collectors to prevent further financial penalty. Still, you have to be in the right state of mind to deal with a bill collector. When I’m not ready to speak to a bill collector, but I want to know who’s calling (nope – don’t have caller ID on my home phone), I sometimes answer the phone in a different accent or language. It adds a hint of light to a dark situation. Just don’t mess around and have this happen…

The delayed answer and slight echo in the background automatically put my hand in hang-up motion, but the operator said hello before I could replace the receiver. So…

“Hola.”

“Hello, may I speak to Jennifer Lightburn. It’s Wells Fargo with an important business matter,” the woman said, sounding like she came from deep, deep, deepa in the woods of Tennessee.

“Me, Jennifer. Me, no habla ingles,” I said in my best Mexican accent.

“No problema. Me hobla Española.”

F*CK! LMAO! ;o)